Emotional growth is marketed as a calm journey into self-awareness spiced with inspiring quotes and deep breathing; however, contrary to the flippancy, it is a rough and often ugly road toward becoming an emotionally mature human being. It is not about feeling good but feeling better; the stronger the new response, the stronger the emotional growth, embracing the imperfections of life when one chooses differently in those silent yet heavy moments instead of walking the path of conditioned habits.
Here are twelve things you are never told about emotional growth:
It Feels Like Walking Backwards
It is not an upward straight line; it is a spiral. One feels that one has controlled his/her temper or anxiety, only to get a bad day and react in “old self.” This does not mean that you are failing; it means that you are human. The difference is that you now recognize the slip-up faster.
You Might Lose People
Some people in your life may become very upset with you as you set your boundaries and stop doing things just to please others. When you stop playing the role they are used to, it creates friction. Emotional growth usually means a “thinning” of your social circle in order to cultivate healthier connections.
Sometimes Outgrowing Your Past Gets Lonely
There is a specific kind of loneliness that comes with the realization that you do not belong to your previous environments anymore or in previous conversations. The awareness and realization that you have less in common with old friends, while a celebratory sign of progress, can be unfortunate for a while.
It Physically Drains You
The energy required to process deep emotions and break old mental patterns is tremendous. You may find that on days when you are doing the “work,” whether that is in therapy or self-reflection, you need a great deal more sleep or feel physically exhausted. Your brain is practically rewiring itself.
Sometimes You Have to Play the “Bad Guy”
Emotional growth requires a firm “no” to things that do not serve you. When you begin to say no to things that hurt you, those who have come to expect you to please them will often see this as an attack. You have got to be able to deal with being misunderstood or even being in the bad books of certain people who gained from your lack of boundaries.
Boredom is Development
Your life takes on a new quality of calm. You can suddenly find it too quiet. The difference between being bored and having that peace is one of the strongest indicators of emotional maturity; learning how to be a master in enjoying that boring, quiet life is the attainment of a higher level of emotional maturity.
You Will Come to See How Much Was Your Fault
Your growth will one day have this painful starkness where you look back and see that you weren’t always the aggrieved party. You will come to see totally wretched moments where you were the toxic one, overreacted, or were just plain unkind. Owning up to these regrets is the only way to move forward, to hold oneself accountable in order to avoid a repeat.
There Is No Final Destination
Emotional growth is an endeavor you will maintain throughout your life just as you do so with your physical fitness. You never reach an achievement where you are completely healed and never triggered again; you simply learn to handle the triggers when they pop up.
Interests Will Change
With the changing of one’s inner self, there would arise outer changes as well. One day you may wake up, look out on nightlife, specific entertainment, or other activities you have loved, and say: Not Interested. In other words, you are becoming a different version of yourself, and your interests will soon match that.
Releasing Anger Is Almost Always Private
You don’t always need a big “closure” conversation to confront someone who hurt you. A lot of the time, emotional maturity manifests as deciding quietly to stop carrying the hurt. It is an internal letting go, no matter if the person in question forgives you or not.
You More, Not Less
Emotional maturity seldom describes numbness or lack of response; instead, it describes a greater awareness of the beauty and suffering of this world. Now, the sunset kindles an even deeper awe in you, while myriad movies move you to a different emotional episode; it is because of their enhancement, rather than through your suppression.
It’s Your Best Investment
The ugly moments notwithstanding, the payoff for emotional growth is freedom from within. You cease being a slave to your reactions and become the driver of your life. There is nothing more worthwhile than making peace with the person who stares back at you from the mirror.
